Famous Quotes - Love and Marriage

A beauty is a woman you notice; A charmer is one who notices you.
Adlai Stevenson (1900-1965)  

A Code of Honor: Never approach a friend's girlfriend or wife with mischief as your goal. There are just too many women in the world to justify that sort of dishonorable behavior. Unless she's really attractive.
Bruce Friedman  

A compliment is like a kiss through a veil.
Victor Hugo  

A correct answer is like an affectionate kiss.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749-1832)  

A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.
Marvin Kitman  

A dress makes no sense unless it inspires men to want to take it off you.
Francoise Sagan  

A friend is one who knows us, but loves us anyway.
Fr. Jerome Cummings  

A good marriage is at least 80 percent good luck in finding the right person at the right time. The rest is trust.
Nanette Newman   , British Actress

A good marriage is like a casserole, only those responsible for it really know what goes in it.
Anonymous  

A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.
Michel de Montaigne  

A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you're in deep water.
Sidney Goff  

A husband is a guy who tells you when you've got on too much lipstick and helps you with your girdle when your hips stick.
Ogden Nash  

A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
Helen Rowland (1876-1950)  

A kiss is a rosy dot over the 'i' of loving.
Cyrano De Bergerac  

A kiss: To a young girl, faith; to a married woman, hope; to an old maid, charity.
V. P. Skipper  

A little girl at the wedding afterwards asked her mother why the bride changed her mind. "What do you mean?" responded her mother. "Well, she went down the aisle with one man, and came back with another."
Anonymous  

A little sincerity is a dangerous thing, and a great deal of it is absolutely fatal.
Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)  

A lover tries to stand in well with the pet dog of the house.
Moliere  

A man in love is incomplete until he is married. Then he's finished.
Zsa Zsa Gabor  

A man must marry only a very pretty woman in case he should ever want some other man to take her off his hands.
Sacha Guitry (1885-1957)  

A man should be taller, older, heavier, uglier, and hoarser than his wife.
Edgar Watson Howe  

A man who has never made a woman angry is a failure in life.
Christopher Morley  

A man who marries a woman to educate her falls a victim to the same fallacy as the woman who marries a man to reform him.
Elbert Hubbard (1856-1915)  

A man's wife has more power over him than the state has.
Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)  

A psychiatrist asks a lot of expensive questions your wife asks for nothing.
Joey Adams  

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
Lana Turner  

A sweetheart is a bottle of wine, a wife is a wine bottle.
Baudelaire  

A White House well filled, a little peanut field well tilled, and a wife who will go to the Bronx are great riches.
Poor Jimmy's Almanac

A woman has got to love a bad man once or twice in her life to be thankful for a good one.
Mae West (1892-1980)  

A woman may very well form a friendship with a man, but for this to endure, it must be assisted by a little physical antipathy.
Friedrich Nietzsche (1844-1900)

A woman seldom asks advice before she has bought her wedding clothes.
Joseph Addison (1672-1719)  

Absence diminishes small loves and increases great ones, as the wind blows out the candle and blows up the bonfire.
Francois de La Rouchefoucauld  

Absence is to love what wind is to fire; it extinguishes the small, it enkindles the great.
Comte DeBussy-Rabutin  

Accept the things to which fate binds you, and love the people with whom fate brings you together, but do so with all your heart.
Marcus Aurelius  

Age does not protect you from love but love to some extent protects you from age.
Jeanne Moreau  

Ah Mozart! He was happily married - but his wife wasn't.
Victor Borge  

All marriages are happy. It's living together afterwards that is difficult.
Anonymous  

Among those whom I like or admire, I can find no common denominator, but among those whom I love, I can: all of them make me laugh.
W. H. Auden  

An act of love that fails is just as much a part of the divine life as an act of love that succeeds, for love is measured by fullness, not by reception.
Harold Loukes  

An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have; the older she gets the more interested he is in her.
Agatha Christie  

An ideal wife is one who remains faithful to you but tries to be just as charming as if she weren't.
Sacha Guitry (1885-1957)  

An ounce of emotion is equal to a ton of facts.
John Junor  

And I will make thee beds of roses, And a thousand fragrant posies.
Marie-Antoinette, Queen  

Any intelligent woman who reads the marriage contract, and then goes into it, deserves all the consequences.
Isadora Duncan  

Anyone can be passionate, but it takes real lovers to be silly.
Rose Franken  

ARDOR, n. The quality that distinguishes love without knowledge.
Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914)   - The Devil's Dictionary, 1911

At last I know what love is really like.
Virgil  

Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn't, they'd be married too.
Henry Louis Mencken (1880-1956)  

Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family does too.
Anonymous  

Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you said; after marriage, he'll fall asleep before you finish saying it.
Helen Rowland (1876-1950)  

Being in therapy is great. I spend an hour just talking about myself. It's kinda like being the guy on a date.
Caroline Rhea  

Better to have loved a short man than never to have loved a tall.
David Chambless  

Beware you be not swallowed up in books! An ounce of love is worth a pound of knowledge.
John Wesley  

Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.
Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)  

Bigamy is one way of avoiding the painful publicity of divorce and the expense of alimony.
Oliver Herford (1863-1935)  

By all means marry. If you get a good wife you will become happy, and if you get a bad one you will become a philosopher.
Socrates (470-399 B.C.)  

Choose a wife by your ear than your eye.
Thomas Fuller   , M.D. , 1732

Compromise: An amiable arrangement between husband and wife whereby they agree to let her have her own way.
Anonymous  

Don't knock masturbation -- it's sex with someone I love.
Woody Allen (Born 1935)  

Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.
Jackie Mason  

English Law prohibits a man from marrying his mother-in-law. This is our idea of useless legislation.
Anonymous  

Every mother generally hopes that her daughter will snag a better husband than she managed to do...but she's certain that her boy will never get as great a wife as his father did.
Anonymous  

Everybody can be great... because anybody can serve. You don't have to have a college degree to serve. You don't have to make your subject and verb agree to serve. you only need a heart full of grace. a soul generated by love.
Martin Luther King, Jr. (1929-1968)  

Everyone admits that love is wonderful and necessary, yet no one agrees on just what it is.
Diane Ackerman  

Familiarity breeds contempt - and children.
Mark Twain (1835-1910)  

For a male and female to live continuously together is...biologically speaking, an extremely unnatural condition.
Robert Briffault  

For one human being to love another: that is perhaps the most difficult of our tasks; the ultimate, the last test and proof, the work for which all other work is but preparation.
Rainer Maria Rilke  

For the memory of love is sweet, though the love itself were in vain. And what I have lost of pleasure, assuage what I find of pain.
Lyster  

Friends will keep you sane, Love could fill your heart, A lover can warm your bed, But lonely is the soul without a mate.
David Pratt  

Getting divorced just because you don't love a man is almost as silly as getting married just because you do.
Zsa Zsa Gabor  

Give her two red roses, each with a note. The first note says "For the woman I love" and the second, "For my best friend."
Anonymous  

God help the man who won't marry until he finds a perfect woman, and God help him still more if he finds her.
Benjamin Tillett  

Gravitation cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.
Albert Einstein (1879-1955)  

Harpo, she's a lovely person. She deserves a good husband. Marry her before she finds one.
Oscar Levant   , to Harpo Marx upon meeting Harpo's fiancee

Hatred paralyzes life; love releases it. Hatred confuses life; love harmonizes it. Hatred darkens life; love illumines it.
Martin Luther King, Jr. (1929-1968)  

He believes that marriage and a career don't mix. So after the wedding he plans to quit his job.
Anonymous  

He early on let her know who is the boss. He looked her right in the eye and clearly said, "You're the boss."
Anonymous  

He to whom this emotion is a stranger, who can no longer pause to wonder and stand rapt in awe, is as good as dead: his eyes are closed.
Albert Einstein (1879-1955)  

Here's a toast to your new bride who has everything a girl could want in her life, except for good taste in men!
Wedding Toast

Here's to you and here's to me, and I hope we never disagree. But, if that should ever be, to HELL with you, here's to ME!
Anonymous  

Honeymoon: A short period of doting between dating and debting.
Ray Bandy  

Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, sharks for the wife's mother.
Ken Dodd  

Honor the ocean of love.
George de Benneville  

Husbands are awkward things to deal with; even keeping them in hot water will not make them tender.
Mary Buckley  

Husbands are like fires. They go out if unattended.
Zsa Zsa Gabor  

I belong to Bridegrooms Anonymous. Whenever I feel like getting married, they send over a lady in a housecoat and hair curlers to burn my toast for me.
Dick Martin  

I date this girl for two years--and then the nagging starts: "I wanna know your name."
Mike Binder  

I don't mind where people make love, so long as they don't do it in the street and frighten the horses.
Patrick Campbell, Mrs.  

I don't think I'll get married again. I'll just find a woman I don't like and give her a house.
Lewis Grizzard  

I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years.
Sam Kinison  

I feel like Zsa Zsa Gabor's sixth husband. I know what I'm supposed to do, but I don't know how to make it interesting.
Milton Berle   , when called to the microphone at the 2nd Annual Comedians Hall of Fame Inductions

I guess the only way to stop divorce is to stop marriage.
Will Rogers (1879-1935)  

I hate work. That's why I got married.
Peg Bundy   , character on "Married with Children," U.S. television show

I have come to the conclusion never again to think of marrying, and for this reason, I can never be satisfied with anyone who would be blockhead enough to have me.
Abraham Lincoln (1809-1865)   , in a letter to Mrs. O.H. Browning, April 1, 1838

I have found the paradox that if I love until it hurts, then there is no hurt, but only more love.
Mother Teresa  

I have spread my dreams under your feet; Tread softly because you tread on my dreams.
William Butler Yeats   - He wishes for the cloths of heaven

I just want what every married woman wants, someone besides her husband to sleep with.
Peg Bundy   , character on "Married with Children," U.S. television show

I know nothing about sex, because I was always married.
Zsa Zsa Gabor  

I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
Walt Disney (1901-1966)  

I married beneath me. All women do.
Lady Nancy Astor   , attributed

I married the first man I ever kissed. When I tell this to my children they just about throw up.
Barbara Bush   , First lady, 1989

I never hated a man enough to give him his diamonds back.
Zsa Zsa Gabor  

I never loved another person the way I loved myself.
Mae West (1892-1980)  

I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.
Gore Vidal  

I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.
David Bissonette  

I swear, if you existed I'd divorce you.
Edward Albee  

I take my wife everywhere I go. She always finds her way back.
Henny Youngman  

I think every woman is entitled to a middle husband she can forget.
Adela Rogers St. John  

I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
Rita Rudner  

I think, therefore I'm single.
Female philosopher

I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar.
Anonymous  

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
Groucho Marx (1895-1977)  

I would rather live and love where death is king than have eternal life where love is not.
Robert G. Ingersoll  

I wouldn't recommend sex, drugs or insanity for everyone, but they've always worked for me.
Hunter S. Thompson  

I'd marry again if I found a man who had 15 million and would sign over half of it to me before the marriage and guarantee he'd be dead within a year.
Bette Davis  

If a relationship is to evolve, it must go through a series of endings.
Lisa Moriyama  

If ever two were one, then surely we. If ever man were loved by wife, then thee.
Anne Bradstreet  

If I were a girl, I'd despair. The supply of good women far exceeds that of the men who deserve them.
Robert Graves  

If it is your time, love will track you down like a cruise missile.
Lynda Barry  

If it weren't for marriage, men and women would have to fight with total strangers.
Anonymous  

If it weren't for marriage, men would spend their lives thinking they had no faults at all.
Anonymous  

If love is the answer, could you rephrase the question?
Lily Tomlin  

If variety is the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam.
Johnny Carson  

If you are afraid of loneliness, don't marry.
Anton Chekhov  

If you want to sacrifice the admiration of many men for the criticism of one, go ahead, get married.
Katherine Hepburn  

I'm an excellent housekeeper. Every time I get a divorce, I keep the house.
Zsa Zsa Gabor  

Immature love says: "I love you because I need you." Mature love says: "I need you because I love you."
Erich Fromm  

In a great romance, each person plays a part the other really likes.
Elizabeth Ashley  

In endowing us with memory, nature has revealed to us a truth utterly unimaginable to the unreflective creation, the truth of immortality....The most ideal human passion is love, which is also the most absolute and animal and one of the most ephemeral.
George Santayana (1863-1952)   - Reason in Religion

In literature as in love, we are astonished at what is chosen by others.
André Maurois  
In marriage, as in war, it is permitted to take every advantage of the enemy.
Anonymous  

In matrimony, to hesitate is sometimes to be saved.
Samuel Butler  

In olden times, sacrifices were made at the altar, a practice which is still very much practiced.
Helen Rowland (1876-1950)  

In the arithmetic of love, one plus one equals everything, and two minus one equals nothing.
Mignon McLaughlin  

In the blithe days of honeymoon, With Kate's allurements smitten, I lov'd her late, I lov'd her soon, And call'd her dearest kitten. But now my kitten's grown a cat, And cross like other wives, O! By my soul my honest Mat, I fear she has nine lives
James Boswell   - Life of Johnson

Insurance is like marriage. You pay, pay, pay, and you never get anything back.
Al Bundy   , character on "Married with Children," U.S. television show

Is it better for a woman to marry a man who loves her than a man she loves.
Anonymous  

It destroys one's nerves to be amiable everyday to the same human being.
Benjamin Disraeli  

It doesn't much signify whom one marries, for one is sure to find out next morning it was someone else.
Rogers Willson  

It is a known fact that men are practical, hardheaded realists, in contrast to women, who are romantic dreamers and actually believe that estrogenic skin cream must do something or they couldn't charge sixteen dollars for that little tiny jar.
Jane Goodsell  

It is always incomprehensible to a man that a woman should ever refuse an offer of marriage.
Jane Austen  

It is amazing at how small a price may the wedding ring be placed upon a worthless hand; but, by the beauty of our law, what heaps of gold are indispensable to take it off!
Douglas Jerold   , 1858

It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.
Niccolo Machiavelli (1469-1527)   - The Prince

It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for what you are not.
Andre Gide  

It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)  

It is most unwise for people in love to marry.
George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)  

It is with true love as it is with ghosts; everyone talks about it, but few have seen it.
Francois de La Rouchefoucauld  

It is wrong to think that love comes from long companionship and persevering courtship. Love is the offspring of spiritual affinity and unless that affinity is created in a moment, it will not be created for years or even generations.
Khalil Gibran  

It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks. She's not marrying the best man.
Anonymous  

It's true that I did get the girl, but then my grandfather always said, "Even a blind chicken finds a few grains of corn now and then."
Lyle Lovett   , musician, upon marying actress Julia Roberts, 1994

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